Note: this is an attempt to Christianise the Andrew Lloyd Webber play
Jesus Christ Superstar. This rewrite of Webber's play isn't meant to be a
search for the historical Jesus. It may still contain theological errors. My
theological viewpoint has changed somewhat since writing it.
What's the Buzz
APOSTLES: What's the buzz? Tell me what's a-happening.
JESUS: Why should you want to know? Don't you mind about the future?
Don't you try to think ahead? Save tomorrow for tomorrow Think about
today instead.
APOSTLES: What's the buzz? Tell me what's happening.
JESUS: I could give you facts and figures. I could give you plans and
forecasts. even tell you where I'm going.
APOSTLES:When do we ride over sins power?
JESUS: Why should you want to worry? Why are you obsessed with
fighting You get your turn if you start trusting God. When you know the
path we're riding, You'd understand it and save your friends
APOSTLES: What's the buzz? Tell me what's a-happening.
Strange Things Mystifying
JUDAS: It seems to me a strange thing, mystifying That a man like you can
waste his time on women of her kind. Yes, I can understand that she
amuses, But to let her stroke you, kiss your hair, is hardly in your line It's
not that I object to her profession, But she doesn't fit in well with what you
teach and say. It doesn't help us if you're inconsistent. They only need a
small excuse to put us all away.
JESUS: Who are you to criticise her? Who are you to despise her? Leave
her, leave her, let her be now. Leave her, leave her, she's with me now. If
your slate is clean, then you can throw stones. If your slate is not, then leave
her alone. I'm amazed that men like you can be so shallow, thick and slow
There is not a man among you who know or cares if I come or go.
Then We Are Decided
CAIAPHAS: We've been sitting on the fence for far too long
ANNAS: Why let him upset us? Caiaphas - let him be All those imbeciles
will see He really doesn't matter
CAIAPHAS: Jesus is important We 've let him go his way before And
while he starts to stop our sinning We theorise and chatter
ANNAS: He's just another Scripture-thumping hack from Galilee
CAIAPHAS: The difference is they call him the Messiah - the difference
frightens me What about God's people When they see king Jesus crowned?
They'll stand around Cheering and applauding. What about our people If
they see we've lost our nerve? Don't you think that they would repent Turn
back to God
ANNAS: They've got what they want - they think so anyway If he's what
they want why take their God away? He's a God fearer
CAIAPHAS: Put yourself in my place I can hardly step aside Cannot let my
hands be tied I am sin and evil What about our false priesthood? Don't you
see that we could fall? If we are to last at all We cannot be divided
ANNAS: Then say so to the council But don't rely on subtlety Frighten
them or they see God
CAIAPHAS: Then we are decided?
ANNAS: Then we are decided.
Everything's Alright
MARY MAGDALENE: Try not to get worried, try not to turn on to Sins
that upset you, oh. Don't you know? Everything's all right, yes, everything's
fine. And we want God's son to heal you today. Let the evil world turn
without you from now on. If we try, we'll get by, so forget all about our sins
today
APOSTLES' WIVES: Everything's all right, yes; everything's all right, yes.
MARY MAGDALENE: Repent and he shall soothe you, calm you, and
free you. Blood to wash away your sins Then you'll feel Everything's all
right, yes, everything's fine. And it's cool, and the blood is freeing Pour the
spirit's fire in your head and feet. Close your eyes, close your eyes And
relax, think of God today.
APOSTLES' WIVES: Everything's all right, yes; everything's all right, yes.
JUDAS: Woman your fine ointment, brand new and expensive Could have
been saved for the poor. Why has it been wasted? We could have raised
maybe Three hundred silver pieces or more. People who are hungry,
people who are starving Matter more than your feet and hair
JESUS: Surely you're not saying we don't have the resources To save the
poor from their lot? There will be time to help the poor always, pathetically
struggling. Look at the good blessings you've got. Why call me a sex freak
Why don't you clean out your dirty minds Think while you still have me!
Move while you still see me! You'll be lost, you'll be so so sorry when you
reject me.
Jesus Must Die
PRIEST 1: Good Caiaphas, the council waits for you. The Pharisees and
priests are here for you.
CAIAPHAS: Ah gentlemen, you know why we are here. We've not much
time, and quite a problem here
MOB: (outside) Hosanna! Super saviour!
ANNAS: Listen to that howling mob of blockheads in the street! A trick or
two with lepers, and the whole town's on its feet
ALL: (inside) He is dangerous
MOB: (outside) Glory to God in the highest for saving us
CAIAPHAS: No way, wait! We need a permanent solution to the God
problem.
ANNAS: What then to do about Jesus of Nazareth? Miracle wonderman,
son of God
PRIEST 3: No riots, no army, no fighting, no slogans...
CAIAPHAS: One thing I'll say for him- Jesus is cool.
ANNAS: We dare not leave him to his own devices. His fans will get as out
of control.
PRIEST 3: But how can we stop him? His glamour increases By leaps
every minute; he's top of the poll.
CAIAPHAS: I see bad things arising. The crowd crown him king; which
the Romans would ban. I see blood and destruction, Our elimination
because of one man. Blood and destruction because of one man.
ALL: (inside) Because, because, because of one man.
Hosanna
CROWD: Hosanna Hey Sanna Sanna Sanna Hosanna Hey Sanna Hosanna
Hey JC, JC won't you smile at me? Sanna Hosanna Hey Super saviour
CAIAPHAS: Tell the rabble to be quiet We anticipate a riot This common
crowd Is much too loud Tell the mob who sing your song That they are
fools and they are wrong They are a curse They should disperse
JESUS: Why waste your breath moaning at the crowd? Nothing can be
done to stop the shouting. If every tongue were still the noise would still
continue. The rocks and stones themselves would start to sing:
CROWD: Hosanna Hey Sanna Sanna Sanna Hosanna Hey Sanna Hosanna
Hey JC, JC won't you fight for me? Sanna Hosanna Hey Super saviour
JESUS: Sing and worship the Lord But not for me Sing them for God's
mercy, For you are blessed. There is not one of you who can not win the
kingdom. The slow the suffering, The quick the dead.
Poor Jerusalem
JESUS: Neither you, Simon, nor the fifty thousand, Nor the Romans, nor
the Jews, Nor Judas, nor the twelve Nor the priests, nor the scribes, Nor
doomed Jerusalem itself, Understand what power is, Understand what
glory is, Understand at all, Understand at all. If you knew all that I knew,
my poor Jerusalem, You'd see the truth, but you close your eyes... But you
close your eyes. While you live your troubles are many, poor Jerusalem. I
can conquer death, you only have let me. You only have to believe in God.
The People's Dream
A MAN: I dreamed I met a Galilean; A most amazing man. He had that
look you very rarely find: The kind comforting type. I asked him to say
what was happening, How it all began. I asked again, he said a word. He
said that he could heal me And next, the room was full of wild and angry
men. They seemed to hate this man. They fell on him, and then They
disappeared again. Then I saw thousands of millions Seeing him coming
back from the dead. And then I heard them mentioning my name, I been
blessed because I believe
The Temple
MONEYCHANGERS and MERCHANTS: Roll on up, for my price is up.
Come on in for the wost in town. Take your pick of the finest wine. Lay
your bets on this bird of mine. Roll on up, for my price is up. Come on in
for the ripoffs in town. I'm going to make a lot from your sins Lay your bets
on this bird of mine. Name your sin, I will rip you off. Come and buy, It's
going fast. Borrow cash on the highest terms. Hurry now while stocks still
last.
JESUS: My temple should be a house of prayer, But you have made it a
den of thieves. Get out! Get out! My time is almost through. Little left to do.
After all, I've tried for three years. Seems like thirty, seems like thirty. Why
don't you want to understand'
And Jesus entered the temple and many who were brought unto him were
healed. However when the Pharisees heard this they began to mock them
saying
PHARISEES: See my eyes, I can hardly see. See me stand, I can hardly
walk. I believe you can make me whole See my tongue, I can hardly talk.
See my skin, I'm a mass of blood. See my legs, I can hardly stand. I believe
you can make me well. See my purse, I'm a poor, poor man. Will you
touch; will you mend me Christ? Won't you touch; will you heal me Christ?
Will you kiss; you can cure me Christ? Won't you kiss; won't you pay me
Christ?
JESUS to the PARISEES: Oh, there's too many of you, don't push me Oh,
there's too little of me, don't crowd me Heal yourselves!
Now I Know How To Love Him
MARY MAGDALENE: I now know how to love him. What to do, how to
worship the Lord. I've been changed, yes really changed. In these past few
days, when I've seen myself, I seem like someone else. I shall tell of what
the Lord has done He's the Messiah. He's God's son. And I've had so
many men before, In very many ways, He's not like them he love his
people. I should help my friends I shout sing and shout. I shall speak of
love, Let my feelings out. I never thought I'd come to this. Those demons
had me Don't you think it's rather great? I should be in this position. I'm the
one who's always been So lost so lost, Losing out to demons. I want him
so. I love him so.
Blood Money
JUDAS: I came because I had to Because I'm the one who saw Jesus can't
control the world we live in He cares too much about the things of God
And furthermore I know That Jesus knows what we think Jesus wouldn't
mind That I was here with you Telling how God is I really didn't come here
Of my own accord I hate God so let's Damn his people Annas, you're a
friend A worldly man and good old demon Caiaphas, my friend I know you
sympathise Why we killed the prophets? We don't need God at all? Who
see the sad solution Know what must be done? I have no thought at all Of
my own reward I really didn't come here Of my own accord I hate God so
let's Damn his people
ANNAS: Cut the protesting Forget the excuses We want information Get
up off the floor
CAIAPHAS: We have the papers We need to arrest him You know his
movements We know how to break the law
ANNAS: Your help in this matter Won't go unrewarded
CAIAPHAS: We'll pay you in silver Cash on the nail We just need to know
Where the soldiers can find him With no crowd around him Then we can't
fail
JUDAS: I need your blood money
CAIAPHAS: Oh, that is good news Our expenses are good
JUDAS: I want your blood money
ANNAS: You might as well take it We think that you should
CAIAPHAS: Think of the things You can do with that money Choose any
pagan temple Give to the demons We've noted your motives We've noted
your feelings This is blood money It's a demon's fee
JUDAS: On Thursday night You'll find him where you want him Far from
the crowds In the garden of Gethsemane
(Chorus of demons) Well done Judas Good old Judas
The Last Supper
APOSTLES: Look at all my sins and my transgressions Sinking in a gentle
pool of wine Don't disturb me now I can see the saviour Tomorrow
morning till the judgement life is fine Always hoped that I'd be an apostle
Knew that I would make it if I tried Now that we understand we can write
the gospels So they will all see God's grace when he died
JESUS: The end . . . Is just a little harder when Israel does not understand
When she understands this bread shall be my body When she understands
this wine shall be my blood The end! This is my body you eat This is my
blood you drink If you would remember me when you eat and drink . . .
Israel must be mad thinking I wont be remembered- yes She must be out
of her head! Look at all her sins! My blood can save her Ten minutes after
I'm dead!
APOSTLES: Not her she love God! But we wont that's is impossible!
JESUS: Peter will deny me in just a few hours Three times will deny me -
and that's not all I see One of you here dining, one of my twelve chosen
Will leave to betray me -
(Judas) Cut out the dramatics! You know very well we wont -
(Jesus) Why don't you go do it?
(Judas) You want me to do it!
(Jesus) Hurry they are waiting
(Judas) Good night all I got business to do
(Peter) I will die before I forget you
(Jesus) I shall allow the devil to test you
(Peter) That loser - that devil
(John) The people need you to do it! What if I we just help you And ruined
the devil's ambition? Christ let us help you!
JESUS: Let's save the dumb speeches Go defeat sin Then the people will
know
APOSTLES: Look at all my sins and my transgressions Sinking in a gentle
pool of wine What's that in the bread it's the saviour's love When you come
to him life is fine Always hoped that I'd be an apostle Knew that I would
make it if I tried Then when we get time we can write the gospels So they'll
all know about the saviour's love
PETER: those sad pathetic men - see where they brought the people to
God's ideals die around them and all because of the evil leaders But the
saddest cut of all - Someone has to turn you in Like a common criminal,
like a wounded animal A jaded mandarin A jaded mandarin Because it's the
only way to save them
JESUS: Let's! They're waiting! Come on! They're waiting! Oh! They're
waiting for us!
PETER: Everytime I look at them I don't understand Why they let the sins
they did get so out of hand they'd have managed better if they read the
Torah Ah --- ah
APOSTLES: Look at all my sins and my transgressions Sinking in a gentle
pool of wine What's that in the bread it's the saviour's love When you come
to him life is fine Always hoped that I'd be an apostle Knew that I would
make it if I tried I just wish the people read the Torah So they could
understand the truth
JESUS: Will no-one stay awake with me? Peter? John? James? Will none
of you wait with me? Peter? John? James?
Garden Of Tears
JESUS: I only need to say If there is a way Take this cup away from me
For I don't want to taste its poison But they need it so I shall do it I am
different I'm not as unsure As they are you about your love In exodus they
were inspired Now they are sad and tired Listen surely we exceeded Their
expectations Tried for three years Seems like thirty They never asked as
much From any stupid idol. But when I die See the saga through And do
the things they ask of me Let them hate me, hit me, hurt me Nail me to their
tree I'd want to know I'd want to know my God I'd want to know I'd want
to know my God I'd want to see I'd want to see my God I'd want to see I'd
want to see my God Will they finally get it Will I be more noticed Than I
ever was before? Will the things I've said and done Finally get them back to
you? They have to know They have to know my Lord They have to know
They have to know my Lord They have to see They have to see my Lord
They have to see They have to see my Lord When I die will they repent?
When I die will they repent? They have to know They have to know my
Lord They have to know They have to know my Lord Why, I must die.
Oh, I must die. Can you show them now That I will not be killed in vain?
Show them just a little Of your omnipresent brain Show them there's a way
For them not to go to hell They are too keen on sin and evil But not so hot
on you Alright let's do it I'll die! Just help them see me die! See how, I
wanted to gather them in my arms! When they said no When I die They
should be inspired And not be sad and tired After all we tried for three
years Seems like ninety Why are they so scared To find what we started
What we started They didn't start it God thy will is hard But you must hold
every card I will drink your cup of poison Nail me to your cross and break
me Bleed me, beat me Kill me, take me now Before they end up in hell
Arrest
JUDAS: There he is They're all asleep, the fools
JESUS: Judas, must you betray me With a kiss?
PETER AND THE APOSTLES: What's the buzz Tell me what's
happening Hang on Lord We're gonna fight for you
JESUS: Put away your sword Don't you know that it's all over I got to die
for your sins now He who lives by the sword shall die by it Why are you
obsessed with fighting? Stick to fishing for souls from now on
CROWD: Tell me Christ how you feel tonight Do you plan to put up a
fight? Do you feel that you've had the breaks? What would you say were
your big mistakes? Do you think that you may retire? Did you think you
would get much higher? How do you view your coming trial? Have your
men proved all worthwhile?
JESUS: Tell me how you feel tonight Do you plan to put up with sin? Do
you feel you can reject the lord? How did you mess it up?
CROWD: Come with us to see Caiaphas You'll just love the high priest's
house You'll just love seeing Caiaphas You'll just die in the high priest's
house
Come on God this is not like you Let us know what you're gonna do You
know what your supporters feel You'll escape in the final reel
JESUS: In the final reel You shall see the son of men Coming from on a
cloud From heaven Then you'll wish you understood
CROWD: Come with us to see Caiaphas You just love the high priest's
house You just love seeing Caiaphas You'll just die in the high priest's house
Now we have him, now we got him Now we have him, now we got him
CHIAPHAS: Jesus you must realise The serious charges facing you You
are the son of God We all know that is it true
JESUS: That's what you say You just said that I am
ANNAS: Now that we have God in our hands What more evidence do we
need? Judas, thank you for the victim Stay a while and you'll see him bleed!
CROWD: Now we have him, now we got him Take him to Pilate, take him
to Pilate!
Death Of Judas
JUDAS
If you did you would not be damned.
Disciple this is your mother.